quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize