ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
