I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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