Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
