I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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