I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need water and some morals
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
