Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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