i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
