woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
