just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
