forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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