That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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