Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
