I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
PANTIES FOUND
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
