I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
