someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
