Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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