I think I died a long time ago.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
