Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
