once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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