I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
