I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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