OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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