I got chris browned last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
