you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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