i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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