I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
