The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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