He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
