i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
from now on my penis is your penis
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
