So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
