using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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