Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
