It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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