My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
