her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
