Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
