this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
