What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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