I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
