you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
