My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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