he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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