Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
