How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
