sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sober January is a disaster.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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