P.S. I can't hear my feet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
