Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
