its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just threw up on my dentist
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
NoShamevember. You game?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
