Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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