You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
