i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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