do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
