My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
