I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
