Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
