When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Your penis caused this!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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