I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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