Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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