so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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